You may have noticed an underlying current of exhaustion and negativity in my post 2 weeks postpartum. It only got worse. How could I be this tired? I don’t have a newborn to care for. Why can’t I sleep when I feel like a zombie? My mind did not feel my own and it started to really scare me. Aren’t the people I’m closest to supposed to realize I’m not well? Maybe it’s all in my head… My thoughts and actions have been erratic, foggy, extremely irritable, negative, paranoid, and anxious.
After reaching out to my amazing MOMS Club with my suspicion that I might be experiencing symptom of Postpartum Depression (PPD) with anxiety, they encouraged me to seek medical assistance. Then they took it two steps further by offering child care and checking on me the next day to make sure I had actually made an appointment. It takes a village. And I am so very thankful to be surrounded by my village of mom friends, neighbors, and church.
A big part of my hesitation to reach out for help was that I thought people would blame it on separation anxiety from the surro baby (which I have Not experienced at all). Each time I thought about pulling up wordpress on my laptop to pen this post it caused me so much anxiety for making my struggle public. But that line of thought filled with excuses and doubt is all a part of evil PPD.
I have now seen my OB twice, began taking Zoloft, attended a MOPS event centered around the PPD subject, and have reached out to a Psychologist. I miss feeling like “me”.
One step at a time.
If you or somebody you know is experiencing symptoms of PPD, remember that sometimes the strongest thing you can do is ask for help.